Discover your purpose

     What is your life's purpose?  This is such a loaded and complicated question.   People get scared of it.  They laugh at it with shrugged shoulders.  It's true, it is hard to answer.  But those who know theirs, and live it, have an unmistakeable calm, presence, and drive that illicits some awe.
  
Life Purpose Today
     I think some people get scared of the heavy fixed nature of it.  I believe our life purpose is fluid.  My life's purpose has changed a couple times in my life, but generally it's been under the umbrella of helping and serving others.  Right now I believe my purpose is to help others heal, intimately connect, and enjoy my life.  

    
   To tap into your life's purpose is powerful thing.  When we know our purpose, when we feel purposeful in our actions, we are focused and led by something greater than ourselves.  A mission, if you will.  And generally, it's a positive mission that contributes to the betterment of people, places, and society at large.  Knowing our purpose helps us feel significant and keeps us motivated to work for something important.  What are you working for these days?
    
As a human race, we get to have complex interesting purposes of our choosing.  Take a bee for example.  He has a few simple purposes: to pollenate flowers and make honey.  Every bee has the same purpose and each one is important in the larger scheme of life.  So are you!  But you get to have a rich development in how you share your gifts with the world.
    
     If you want to connect with your life's purpose, you need to contact your higher self, spirit, whatever you want to call it.  This is a space where the subconcious and soul connect, and your pure knowledge of truth is accessed.  In the space of quiet, your intuition and guidance can come forth to inform you about the path you are on.  In my coaching sessions, I connect clients to this space with hypnosis: guided breathing, meditation and visuals.  Through a set of questions, clients easily open up to their own advice and answers about where they are and where they should go.
    
15 Questions To Help You Determine Your Life Purpose *

1. What makes you smile? (Activities, people, events, hobbies, projects, etc.)

2. What are your favorite things to do in the past? What about now?

3. What activities make you lose track of time?

4. What makes you feel great about yourself?

5. Who inspires you most? (Anyone you know or do not know. Family, friends, authors, artists, leaders, etc.) Which qualities inspire you, in each person?

6. What are you naturally good at? (Skills, abilities, gifts etc.)

7. What do people typically ask you for help in?

8. If you had to teach something, what would you teach?

9. What would you regret not fully doing, being or having in your life?

10. You are now 90 years old, sitting on a rocking chair outside your porch; you can feel the spring breeze gently brushing against your face. You are blissful and happy, and are pleased with the wonderful life you’ve been blessed with. Looking back at your life and all that you’ve achieved and acquired, all the relationships you’ve developed; what matters to you most? List them out.

11. What are your deepest values?

12. What were some challenges, difficulties and hardships you’ve overcome or are in the process of overcoming? How did you do it?

13. What causes do you strongly believe in? Connect with?

14. If you could get a message across to a large group of people. Who would those people be? What would your message be?

15. Given your talents, passions and values. How could you use these resources to serve, to help, to contribute? ( to people, beings, causes, organization, environment, planet, etc.)

     I find writing the answers to some of these questions really cleansing and supportive in getting clear about who I am and what I want out of life.  Your purpose is personal.  Your purpose should be meaningful.  Your purpose will resonate with your entire being.  It's okay if you don't know it, but taking time to think about it could lead you to some new fantastic territory! 

For more information on Holistic Coaching or Brendan Neff-Hall, visit Holisticlifesf.com

* These questions were taken from "Life on Purpose":  http://thinksimplenow.com/happiness/life-on-purpose-15-questions-to-discover-your-personal-mission/

Self Care Is Number 1

           Yes, it is.  Instinctively you know why.  Have you ever felt extremely busy and overwhelmed at work and knew you needed to take a break but just refused to?  What happened? I bet you got sick.  That's because the body is always giving us warnings about what is too much for us.  If we listen, and take care of ourselves, the body will continue providing energy, focus, stamina, and healthy functionality.  If not, the body responds with "FINE.  I'll make you take a break then!" And suddenly we come down with something.
        
Self care is number 1
           It's needs to be a priority for you.  Self care is any activity that nourishes your mind, body or spirit.  It's any activity that feels good, that improves health, that is positive for your whole being.  It's personally rewarding and is key to optimum performance and joy in the day to day.
        
          Another example of lack of self care:  Have you ever been in the supermarket and seen a mother with her small children trying to grocery shop.  Her hair's a little disheveled and she has bags under her eyes.  She is exhausted.  Of course she is! She hasn't hired a baby sitter in god knows how long.  And she's in the market snapping at her kids.  Grabbing items out of their hands in frustration.  By not taking care of herself,  her kids pay the ultimate price.

It still is number one      
               So I'm sure what you're seeing, and what I'm trying to point out today, is that self care IS number one.  We cannot be our best for ourselves or others when we don't take adequate care of ourselves.  In my holistic coaching or EFT sessions, clients often tell me, "I don't have time (or money) to take care of myself".  Which is simply not true!  It's like people that say "I was too busy to call you back over the last two weeks."  We are ALL busy.   But we also have little chunks of time here and there. We also have support from people who can help us take breaks. It is possible and now is the time to figure out how you're going to take time out for yourself each day.

         But as I always say, awareness comes first. When I was teaching Kindergarten and First grade, I never took breaks.  I had the option of dialing the secretary and getting someone to cover my class for bathroom breaks, tea breaks, 10 minutes here or there.  But I didn't.  And it was only through therapy that I realized that I believed I'd be a bad teacher if I took breaks.  I believed my class would go haywire without me.  I believed that I wouldn't be able to get everything done if I took breaks.  Now I look back and know I had a choice, but at the time I felt I didn't.  My irrational beliefs were guiding my choices.

What does your self care look like?
            What choices are you making every day to take care of yourself or not take care of yourself?
How much time do you take socially or alone?
What are your eating habits and what quality of food do you ingest?
Do you break away from the computer?
Do you nap?
Do you hydrate?
Do you see specialists like acupuncturists, chiropractors, herbalists?
Are you exercising and getting outdoors?
How do you relax?

       I'm not suggesting you do ALL of these!  There are SO many ways to take care of ourselves each day, each week.  Just a little added self care can make all the difference in your mood, energy level and appearance.  Take a moment and let me know how you take care of yourself in a comment below.  Take care!

The Power of Goal Setting

I know what you're thinking.  "I've heard this before, 'figure out and write down your goals' Yeah, at New Years right?"  Tony Robbins calls this getting caught up in the Law of Familiarity.  Don't brush off the importance of writing down and making concrete what your focus is for the major areas of our life.   Bosses, partners, friends, and many others are interested in what your vision is, and if it's matching theirs.

When writing your goals, be creative, imaginative and outragious.  This gets you to open up that part of yourself that has been limited and kept stuck.  We want goals that we are inspired by and absolutely committed to working towards.  That's why in Holistic Coaching sessions, I ask clients to write down why their committed to working on them.  It's all about cost and benefit. What is the cost of not achieving this goal and what is the benefit from achieving it.  This is a great barometer of how invested you are in the goal.  By putting goals down and knowing why we're committed, we are developing personal power.

Make a list of your Personal Development Goals.  This could be work goals, relationship goals, spiritual goals, etc.  When you're done, write a 1, 3, 5, 10 or 20 next to each one determining how many years you're committed to having them achieved in.  Make sure you have a couple that are for the next year.  Remember, you don't need to know the HOW, just the WHY.

And that brings us to our next part:  Take your top three year 1 goals and write down why you're absolutely committed to achieving them in the next year.

Write one action you will take to initiate each of the goals TODAY.  If you picked a general goal such as "Earn 100,000 dollars next year", you still need a specific task that leads you towards this goal. This could be interviewing someone in your professional field that is making that kind of money.  Ask them how they got to where they are and what advice they give.  This could build a connection, give you great tips or educate you to make a really informed decision.  This is initial progress towards attaining these goals.  Get going, there's no better time than NOW!

Who am I?

      Some years ago I came to learn about Louise Hay and her groundbreaking book, "You Can Heal Your Life".  This book (along with two films whose links are below) began opening up a new way of interacting with myself.  I suddenly became more conscious than ever about my negative thinking, negative core beliefs about myself and the ways I continued to not love myself.  Hay was speaking to me about self forgivness, self nurturance, self esteem in ways that I hadn't thought about before.

     The reason I'm giving you this introduction today is that knowing who we are and really seeing ourselves is the beginning of a strong self concept and self worth that can drive you into better relationship with life.

     One of the activities that I adopted from Louise Hay and use in my first few coaching sessions is "The Hand Mirror".  One client, we'll call her Tasha, was asked to pick up a hand mirror, look into her own eyes and answer the question "Who is Tasha?" I'm often surprised by how hard this activity is for people.

       Tasha, whom I'd been seeing for many sessions, laughed when I mentioned this activity.  She picked up the mirror, looked and answered my question with "I don't know." Silence. "This is really hard.  I... all I hear are critical voices. I don't know."  This was a powerful moment for her because she was realizing that she did not have a solid sense of who she was.  She couldn't list any adjectives about herself because her negative voices had taken over her consciousness.

       I pushed her further by asking, "Who is Tasha at work? Who is Tasha at home?  Who is Tasha with her friends?" Suddenly the adjectives came flowing out. "Well at work Tasha is helpful, resourceful, kind, caring, engaged.... at home Tasha is loving, clean..."  Sometimes it's easier to see ourselves in relation to others.  But we need to know, at our core, that we are good and wonderful people not by the things we do, but by who we are.

       It took me a long time to learn this.  I was in therapy, reading self help books, attending workshops and conferences, processing with friends and family, journaling and so much more in order to understand myself and find peace.  I definitely learned a lot about myself, but ultimately learned that there is always more to uncover because we are always changing with life.

       What do you know about yourself? How would you describe yourself, who you've been in previous years and how you live your life now?  What is beautiful about you and what are you working on about your character?  This work is never easy (especially when others let us know areas to work on!) But ultimately rewarding.

      
Below I've listed the Louise Hay links and some other links that have really opened up my self understanding and concept.

The Ennegram Personality Types (I recommend "The Wisdom of The Enneagram" Book)
Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life Study Program Video
Louise Hay's You Can Heal Your Life Movie

Where's Your Gratitude?

Today I'm talking about Gratitude, and the title is not meant to scold you!  It's meant to get you thinking about where and when you express gratitude.


“Gratitude can transform common days into thanksgivings, turn routine jobs into joy, and change ordinary opportunities into blessings.” — William Arthur Ward


Gratitude is the best attitude you can have because it's a space of acceptance and celebrating.  It helps us in the tough moments to see the lesson and the witness the improvements on our character, choices and perspective.  


During Holistic Coaching,  people have told me "I don't have ANYTHING to be grateful for, my life is shit right now."  This is the most important time to practice gratitude!  It's the faith and support that keeps us going.  Plus, that kind of life view is such an exaggeration.  Can you walk?  Are you thankful for eyesight?  Your ability to make it through the tough days?  We can ALL find something to be grateful for.  


Practicing gratitude is just that, a practice.  Mornings are good time to set the day off in a space of appreciation and trust.  Things will get better, and as we acknowledge the good, more can come in.  When coaching, I might ask, "have there been people who've been listening and supporting you through this experience?" Right there is some thank you work.  


In the mornings, write down a list of at least 10 things you're grateful for. Each day, write down different things on that list.  This makes it really count.  Here's my list today.  


I'm grateful for...
1.  My incredibly supportive friends and family
2. My loving partner
3. My health for the last 5 months
4. My beautiful apartment and sunlight
5. Delicious food
6. My schedule, being able to take breaks and eat when I want
7. San Francisco, opportunity, fantastic people who get me
8. My wonderful therapist!
9. Living in 2010
10. The many more years I'll have to heal, dream, create, connect... 

The Power of Awareness

As I reread Eckhart Tolle's "New Earth", he beckons me with question, "how aware are you?" I've asked myself this question countless times over my life and see again and again how easily we become unconscious.  Going through our day to day routines, not understanding why we make our choices or have certain emotional reactions.  We move from body (or heart) awareness into mind (or ego) awareness, which is often circular, rational, fast, and overwhelming.  Body awareness, on the other hand, is clear, calm, focused, and simple.   What awareness are you in right now?

Today I'm talking to you about awareness because this is one of my essential aspects of Holistic Living.  We absolutely need awareness of mind and body in order to live driven, pleasurable and purposeful lives.  As I've mentioned before, when I first meet with clients, we review the main areas of their life.  We evaluate different life components deeply (see previous post).  As a coach, I'm leading them with questions:

What are the strongest areas of your life right now? Why?
What areas are you unsatisfied with?  What would you like to change about them?
As you take time to look at your life as a whole, what feelings are coming up?
What are your goals right now and what support do you need in achieving them? 

Take some time right now and jot down the answers to these questions.  Tape the answers somewhere you look daily. Your awareness will start expanding once you start asking questions.  Am I feeling tired because of my nutrition and hydration levels? What do I need to reduce my stress level at work?  Who do I have the most fun with?

Knowing where we are and where we want our life to go is important to hold in our minds and hearts as we move through our day to day.  It reminds us of our purpose.  It keeps us focused and gives us perspective.  For example, when we are at work or home, and see ourselves getting worked up about something... if we stop and hold it in our mind next to our goals, we may realize it is not helping us reach our goal.

Is this situation helping or hurting me in reaching my goal?  Think about your  goals for a moment.  Think about what's happened in your day so far.  What have you been doing that's helping and hurting your goals from becoming reality? How do you feel right NOW in your body.  This is the beginning of awareness.

But the true power of awareness comes from a deeper understanding... a spiritual understanding.   When we take the time to really listen inward, we are connecting with our spirit.  Some use therapy, meditation, church, breath work, dreams, and many other modalities to open to the voice of the unconscious and universe.  I'll leave you with one of my favorite activities to accomplish this.

Channeling
Find a quiet time and place where you can sit comfortably by yourself.  Bring a journal or paper to write on.  Light a candle, dim the lights, burn oils or incense, whatever will enhance your relaxation.  Open the journal, put the pen down, take some deep breathes with your eyes close and in your mind ask your higher self to come forth.  Ask for guidance.  When you feel relaxed and ready, open your eyes and begin writing.  Don't think about it, just start writing.  You'll be surprised what come forth.

Many activities like this can help us become aware in ways we couldn't during our day to day.  You have much wisdom to give and awareness already, go share it today!



For more info on Holistic Coaching, visit holisticlifesf.com
For more info on Eckhart Tolle, visit Eckharttolle.com

Balance

    Today I'm reflecting on balance and its importance in living holistically.  As I wrote last week, part of living holistically is understanding of the interconnected nature of the different areas in our life and keeping our whole self in mind.  The main areas I work on with folks are:

Health

Fitness

Nutrition

Self Care

Relationships

Work

Home

Self Esteem

Finances

Life Purpose

Play

Spirituality

As we start to look consciously at major life areas, we start to notice what areas we are strong and weak in.  This is important because to change our life, we need to know where to start.  We have to set goals based on where we want to go.  As we work on one area, others become stronger and we start to see overall balance return between areas.  

This work is so exciting because I've seen clients develop confidence and joy in one difficult part in their life, and quickly become and inspired and motivated from the changes happening for them.  I remind them that they have made those changes and are seeing their own power in action.  

Spiritually, I believe that when we move into a joyful grateful space, a space where our life is becoming what we've desired for so long, we are energetically creating a place for new and wonderful things to arrive in our life.  Our next step is to really allow the changes, connections and positive aspects flood our consciousness.  We have unlimited power and potential. Chose to surprise yourself by reaching out, educating yourself, and practicing acts of kindness on yourself and others.  The balance will start to happen without you even being aware of it... and when it does it will feel awesome.